Sunday Soul – waiting to let go – August 28th 2011

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  1. Sunshine:

    Sunday Soul is live now
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  2. Sunshine:

    all done for this month. that was lovely. just what i needed. thank you for listening. i love you. good night!

  3. Sunshine:

    I awoke not long ago on a train. I had been sleeping very deeply, and had absolutely no idea where I was or how I got there. For a moment I stared into the face of a man in his late 70’s. He was chewing something, but had no plate of food before him. I felt as if he were my traveling companion and that I should know him. By the time he rifled around in his coat pocket and pulled out another handful of whatever it was he was eating I remembered that I had been at Faro station in Portugal. I ran to catch the train, and barely made it. I was en route to Lisbon and from there I would catch a flight to Frankfurt and transfer to another flight which would take me to San Francisco. I stared out the window for a while and wondered where we were, what time it was, and the name of the station I was supposed to get off at was. I felt panic and peace mingle together as my exhausted eyes closed around my sleeping mind. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter to me at all.

    In the film Inception the protagonist, Cobb, has privately created a world where he can retreat from reality and re live his relationship with Mal, the love of his life. It’s not lost on me that Mal in French means “evil” and the actress who plays her is actually French. What fun. Anyway, Cobb is tasked with training a new recruit named Ariadne, and naturally during the training this recruit sneaks into Cobb’s secret memories and finds herself face to face with Mal. Since this is a memory, what Ariadne is really facing is a piece of her teacher’s subconscious, and it is expected to be a certain way. When Mal sees Ariadne she turns on her with suspicion and asks her what she’s doing there. Ariadne tries to explain, but Mal already knows who she is, and comes forward, defending her situation with hostility and says, “I’ll tell you a riddle. You’re waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don’t know for sure. But it doesn’t matter. How can it not matter to you where that train will take you?” And then she smashes a wine glass and wields it as a weapon. It’s a very exciting moment, and Cobb appears out of nowhere and saves the day by dragging Ariadne into the elevator leaving Mal behind.

    What’s interesting to me about this moment is the premise. There is a man who lost his love. She is dead. He is holding onto the memory of her by containing his own memories and plugging himself into them whenever he wants and re living various parts of the relationship whenever he wants. The memories themselves are not real, they are interactive, but they do not fundamentally change. As a part of the man’s subconscious they are hostile to any outside influence or presence. The memories turn and attack anyone who enters or intervenes.

    It’s not baffling that our minds, our memories, our egos are reluctant to accept outside ideas on a direct level – practically nobody likes a head trip, a control freak, or a manipulative creep – but isn’t it amazing how even in a state of grief and suffering we would attack even those who have come to help? Isn’t it even more interesting how despite our resistance to obvious mind control – ready as we are to balk at anyone in a turban with a third eye pinned to the center of it named Mandrake the magnificent – we are being manipulated all the time subconsciously. The television tells us we smell, and our teeth are yellow (and THAT’S why no one likes us) or that if we can afford $399 a month for a new car we may very well be a “well qualified customer.” In the end, without research or any real understanding at all we are painted blue and weeping in front of the camera because the government is attempting to give us health care and for reasons we can’t really explain with intelligence we don’t want it because that somehow takes away our “freedom.”

    The human mind is waiting. We are holding on. When we die, next year, next weekend, next time… maybe tomorrow. We are waiting to let go. I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t aching for love, dying to tell their truth, hungry for hugs and acceptance, while at the same time living in the prison of their own minds. Shame, fear, contempt are all expressed as a means of self preservation, a means of coveting our memories and beliefs about ourselves. The ego is placed squarely between the desperate urges of the id, and the mercilessly stringent strictures of the super-ego. In a healthy mind, we parse our urges and morality appropriately, saying things which are true, but not painful, sincere but not self-deprecating, kind, but not needy or overly transparent, and we proceed through this world with a relative calm, dignity, and love. Yet we are waiting to be alone, to turn off, to turn back, to lick our wounds in silence, waiting to let go…

    I can imagine myself on a train headed somewhere. I can imagine thousands of destinations which I hope the train will arrive. I can feel the rush of excitement as look out the window of the compartment and wonder where we are, where we’ve been, and where we are going. It’s not lost on me that the track have been laid by human hands, and the destination is predetermined. It’s not lost on me that even if I don’t like where we are headed, I can always disembark and board another train headed somewhere else. And if I don’t like any of my possible choices, I can always take a taxi to an airport and choose something completely different. Wherever we are going, we are aboard this train. Acceptance comes first, actually arriving where we are in this moment now, and then we are free to let go…

    Here is the track listing for Sunday Soul – waiting to let go:

    1. Sunday Soul – Program ID
    2. The Awakening of a Woman – Cinematic Orchestra
    * intro
    3. Let’s Dance – M. Ward
    4. Let Go – Instrumental – Denvil
    5. The Sound Of Violence – Aeroplane Remix – Cassius
    6. Girl Talk – Justin Faust
    7. Want You In My Soul – Hot Toddy remix – Lovebirds
    8. Footprints – Stratus
    * waiting…
    9. No Limits – Casual Encounters
    10. Pope Of The Pop – SlowMix – Ye-Ye
    11. Sunday Lover – John Walker
    * How long has it been?
    12. Untitled Love – Still Going
    13. Out In The Night – Serge Ponsar
    14. Blazin’ (Jay Haze Remix) – Rob Paine
    15. Photographic – Acapella – Depeche Mode
    16. Uh-Uh Ooh-Ooh Look Out (Here It Comes) – Steve ‘Silk’ Hurley’s House Mix – Roberta Flack
    17. Her Eyes Are Stars – Shooting Stars At 2 AM – Stryke
    18. When The Summers Gone – Soul Minority
    19. Smile – Re MARCHI
    * waiting until…
    20. Soulspirit – Zweistein
    * waiting to let go
    21. I Go Deep – Jim Rivers
    22. Around – Solomun Vox Remix – Noir
    23. Nowhere – Maya Jane Coles
    24. Ultraviolet – BeatBroker Dub – LOTI
    25. Warm Sun On My Face – Sunshine Jones *
    26. She Walks Alone – Marcus Worgull Remix – Eva Be Feat. Pegah Ferydoni
    27. The Sun – Sunshine Jones DLAMB Rework – Heat Merchantz
    28. Need You Now – Carl Craig Remix – Cut Copy
    29. To The Stars – Instrumental – Sunshine Jones
    30. Acapulco – Dana Bergquist, Peder G
    31. My New Shirt – Don Crisp & DJ Ra-Soul
    * I feel everything
    32. Bon Voyage – Odoardo
    33. R E A L L O V E – Optimo Espacio Remix – Factory Floor
    34. Magnetise – Manuel Tur’s Motion Illusion Dub – Loose Fit
    35. Fall Away From Love – Danny Daze
    36. Mi Mujer – Nicolas Jaar
    37. Come To Me – Version – Sunshine Jones
    38. Let Go – Chymamusique Urban Remix – DJ Hypnosis
    39. Waiting For – Kolombo
    40. Cheaters – John Talabot’s Classic Vocal Refix – Teengirl Fantasy
    41. Cheenese – D-Pulse Paranoid Mix – POMPEYA
    42. Løb stop stå – Boom Clap Bachelors
    43. Audio Video – Aquiline Remix – Detachments
    44. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
    45. Sunday Soul – Program ID
    46. Joy – Soul II Soul
    47. Sunday Soul – Program ID

    Total Running Time: 04 Hours 38 Minutes 22 Seconds
    * Performed Live

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  4. Qstar Atma:

    Perfect timing… this is most “calming” thank you! ;)

  5. Kristine Haag:

    you are beautiful

  6. Frances Spurgeon:

    sooooooo much love SUNSHINE X

  7. Ethan Dao Clairville:

  8. Ocean's Edge:

    your Sunday Soul notes provide little escapes on Monday afternoons. THANK YOU ♥ :)

  9. Cheetah Love:

    I released some tears

  10. Ashley O'Hara:

    beautiful writing S. Nice tie in with Inception. ♥ love it

  11. Kell Fearon:

    “but isn’t it amazing how even in a state of grief and suffering we would attack even those who have come to help?”

    I was thinking on this just today…I work helping people who have lost control of their lives and/or budgets to downsize, among other things. Grief comes up at the idea of letting go of material things (which are really just tangible memories) and it’s been an amazing experience watching it manifest as attacks on me, the very helper they requested! I’ve learned over the years to love the most difficult clients because they have both the most to learn and the most to teach me. I have one who could really use that train metaphor in her life right now, in fact, so thanks for this, I now have a focus for tomorrow’s work! ♥ Love you.