Sunday Soul – HOLDOUT – April 22nd 2012

3 Comments

1. Sunshine:

   Sunday Soul is live now!
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2. Sunshine:

   All done for this month. Thank you for listening. Good night!

3. Sunshine:

   Nobody likes to wait. Most people just can’t. I was at SFO the other month during a particularly heavy rain storm and there was a line out the door at the ticket counter. Because of the rain all flights had been cancelled, and we were all waiting to be reassigned, or refunded. There was a man in a hipster’s plaid suit at the counter flinging his arms around in the air and shouting his story of unique importance at the person behind the counter. He insisted that they didn’t know who he was, and did not understand the importance of his trip to New York City. The counter person got the manager, and this person began their tantrum all over again from the beginning. In the end he was shouting ominous threats of taking down the airline, having every single one of their jobs, and assuring them all – and it looked like everyone in line too – would be very sorry. All of this drama went down because the man could not accept the fact that it was raining. At SFO when visibility goes down to less than a mile, they are only able to receive 12 planes per hour. Under normal conditions they receive hundreds of planes per hour. This man took it personally, and felt sure that there was someone, somewhere who could do something for him — make an exception, find the vip flight that actually was departing — but the truth (that there were simply no planes leaving) completely eluded him. Even as the security took him away and out the doors he was shouting and yelling about him important he was. Was this a ruse? Was this man truly convinced that despite the conditions that he might work it and score a secret flight? Was he convinced that he was a victim? That somehow this was happening to him specifically, and that it was antagonistic and personal? Or was he just a selfish American who couldn’t accept the situation and needed to demonstrate his emotional immaturity for all of us? Was he a hold out for good treatment and the rights of passengers, or was he a fool fighting the sky?

   This month’s theme was HOLDOUT. I wanted to hold back, and delay for as long as possible. I wanted to express the contrasting ideas which exist at once in my mind. Hold back the world, hold out for love, hold on to my dreams, hold out for something real, hold back the flames within me. These feelings are not always conscious, and I am not always a willing participant in my resistance, nor in my assault.I thought it was time to try to undertake some sort of conversation about this.

   A holdout is someone who doesn’t know the war is over. Throughout the pacific islands after World War II was over there were battalions, bands, and individuals who simply would not stop fighting. They continued to fight occupying forces, and later, local police, years after the war was over. It made celebrating the Japanese surrender a little difficult when there was still a war going on in the field. I think about those people, entrenched and unwilling to surrender, still hurling the last of their resources toward an enemy from the west and I have to wonder. Were they aware of the situation? Was it ignorance? Or were they so devoted to their cause that they refused to stop until they had given their absolute all?

   A hold out is also a property which refuses to sell to the larger development. You know the story of the little house that watched a huge metropolis grow up around it? What were they thinking inside? What were they hoping for? Holding on to what they had, and unable to let it go.

   Holding out is also a cheat in cards. There are actually devices you can buy which make it possible when you fold to extract a card up your sleeve so you can play it later in the game. I little more nefarious, but the idea is similar.

   Lately I’ve been feeling like a holdout. I believe what I believe, what makes me dance makes me dance, what turns me on just turns me on, my heart loves the way it loves, and while I am in the midst of a period of internal and personal growth like no other before in my life right now, these burning embers of me persist. I watch, I see, I feel, and despite my best efforts to be pragmatic, or realistic, and design a life which truly makes me happy, I just can’t seem to leave these truths about me behind. I don’t think I’ll be happy without them. Yet there is no happiness in my criticism of the world. There are no pleasures in my fears. I find, very much like my own father, that I first look at the world with hurt and betrayal and freely consider all that you’re doing wrong, and fight back tears, disgust, and contempt. After all these years of attempting to open my heart wider and just love, I still believe at times that I am a hostage of this fucked up miserable world. As if when you change, then I will be free at last… This is obvious misery-making insanity. So I watch my mind, befriend this voice, and try to allow it to heal. If I want to change the world I am going to have to accept it first. Not approve of it, but see it as it is, and work with the available tools around me in order to build and create what I hope to accomplish here. Refusing to accept reality is a losing battle. Or is it?

   It makes me wonder if I am the occupied island, or am I the refugee held up in a swamp setting mines in the night, or am I the forces in town awaiting word from HQ so I can send planes to bomb you out.

   I’ve got a lot to say about all this, but I think I’d prefer that you listen to the archive, and then come talk with me about what you’re holding out for.

   Here is the track listing for Sunday Soul – HOLDOUT:

   1. Sunday Soul – Program ID
   2. Adagio For Strings – Leonard Bernstien
   * introduction
   3. Love Will Come – Maps
   4. Layers of Generation Without Number – Bichi
   5. Average Fruit – Quadron
   6. I Feel Love – Tim Love Lee
   7. Sad Livin’ In The City – Time For Trees Feat. Layden Bryant
   8. Aint You Had Enough – Cuetec
   9. Stardance – Extended Version – John Forde
   10. Baker Beach – Hatchback
   11. Clouds – Blackjoy Edit – Chaka Khan
   12. Alphaville – The Time and Space Machine Mix – Bryan Ferry
   * don’t hold back
   13. Hold Me Tight – Homework
   14. I Need Love – Double Hill & Jerome C.
   15. Warthog (Dana Bergquist & Peder G Remix) – pothOles
   16. She Walks Alone (Marcus Worgull Remix) – Eva Be Feat. Pegah Ferydoni
   17. Bird In A Gilded Cage – Instrumental Dub – Jungle Wonz
   18. Revolutionary Spy – Sunshine Jones Re Edit – Noh Mercy
   19. Changed – Soul Clap Remix – Mario & Vidis
   20. Sage Comme Une Image – Dub Mix – Bottin
   21. People Hold On (Hot Tracks Remix) – Coldcut
   22. Big Boys Don’t Cry – Aeroplane
   23. Hold Back Love – Lovebirds Remix – KRAAK & SMAAK
   24. Bel 189 Trax – DMX Krew
   25. Axis – Gritt
   26. Hypnodelic – Francois K
   27. Animal – Wildstyle Version – HEKO
   28. Holding You – Ame Mix – Wahoo
   29. Feel Reel – Kon Remix – Illvester
   30. Snooze 4 Love – DOTS edit – Todd Terje
   31. I Was On An Island – Rough Mix – Sunshine Jones featuring Siouxsie Black
   32. Groove La Chord – Aril Brikha
   33. Vibe Your Love – Maceo Plex
   34. Take Off – Bob Gravity Remix – Axton Frick
   35. Push Me Down – Stoyvind Remix – Kohib
   36. The Duke – Eve White
   37. Berlin Sunrise – Lee Jones Remix – Fink
   38. Here I am – Lac’s 9 mins of love for the edit groupers remix – Al Green
   39. There Is No Light – Luke Fair
   40. Pancho’s Revenge – Beatbroker Remix – Garth & Anthony Mansfield
   41. Love & Feeling – Sleep D Remix – Chet Faker
   42. Hot Stop – Marcos Cabral
   * hold on
   43. Willow – Kai Alce feat Azulu Phantom
   44. Roll With You – John Collins
   45. Ultraviolet – BeatBroker Dub – LOTI
   46. El Mar Y La Luna – Shrinkwrap Acid Rerub – Project Club
   * holdout
   47. Night Flight (Lexx Edit) – Quintus Project
   48. Paradise Drive – Hatchback
   49. Herfra Hvor Vi Står – Quadron
   50. Sunday Soul – Program ID
   51. Oh Honey – 12′ Version – The Delegation
   52. Sunday Soul – Program ID

   Total Running Time: 04 Hours 46 Minutes 45 Seconds
   * Performed Live

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   Thank you for listening. See you next month!
   Love,
   Sunshine