My television keeps telling me that the new film Derailed starring Clive Owen and native of Sherman Oaks, California, Miss Jennifer Aniston is the number one thriller in America[/i]. It doesn’t take much to figure out that ‘Derailed’ also happens to be the only thriller currently in theaters. So that’s not saying much about the film.
The big pull quote for Derailed is “Critics rave ‘Jennifer Aniston is unexpectedly good.’” First of all, I don’t know all the film critics, but I’ve yet to meet one who is a raver. So they must mean that Aniston is so surprisingly good in this film that they are leaping up and down, spraying spit everywhere, crapping their pants while they shout inappropriately “Jennifer Aniston is unexpectedly good!”
I wonder how that goes over? Wait here a second, I’m gonna run outside right now and try it.
Well… Nothing really happened. There was a raccoon at the head of my driveway that ran the fuck away, and it took me a while to wipe up the poop, but I’m back now, and I guess this kind of expression about Aniston’s surprise adequacy is acceptable. No lights went on, no police arrived, the neighborhood is as it was before.
Hmmm…
I’ve never seen an episode of Friends, I don’t think Jennifer Aniston is cute, smart, or a very good actor. And while I liked Owen in Closer quite a bit, I just don’t think there’s anything which would persuade me to go see this film. I don’t expect to rent it, or to do anything but fall soundly asleep while they play the version edited for content on the air plane.
I realize this is so unfair to poor Jennifer, and I should join the ranks and support her during this terrible time in her life, but if you can’t be nice to David Letterman and let him taste your hair, then how do you expect me to be there for you during the lean years of your multi-million dollar talentless career of films which no one seems to go see?
I must not be quite the man I imagined I was.
But you can do it for me. Send your cards and letters of support to:
Fan Mail
Jennifer Aniston
c/o Creative Artists Agency
9830 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
USA
9 Comments
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I haven’t even heard of the movie, let alone the reviews. Oh my! I am so out of touch!
But don’t feel too bad for poor Ms. Aniston, I men GQ did name her as the “Man of the Year” for how well she’s handled her divorce with Brad. First time a woman has been named by them as the “Man of the Year” (somehow I did managed to catch this tidbit). How come they didn’t make me “Man of the Year”? OK…I need more press…where’s my agent?
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haha! simon refers to her as horseface.
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I would write a long missive here about this subject, but I think it would make me unpopular.
Instead I’ll just say this:
Hollywood is a hard fucking place to be anyone, let alone an actress, let alone a famous actress going through a very public divorce.
I do want to see the movie, if only just to listen to Clive Owen speak, so I’ll give you an honest review after I do.
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All empathy expressed, and extended. In satire, sadly the individual is only protected by whatever personal functions they have developed for themselves. Otherwise, we are discussing those ideas, the icons, the illusions created and exploited for money that might otherwise feed the world, and serve our society in such a way as to heal us all from the disfunction which drive us to become objects of such satire in the first place.
I am not really talking about Clive Own, Jennifer Aniston, or the writer, director or anyone involved in the process of film making as a craft per se. But I would be remiss not to sarcastically point out that this sort of film making is no more valid than the latest Gwen Stefani album, or Tyra Bank’s talk show. However, I admit that is merely the opinion i happily extend to the world regarding the final result, and its dreary socioeconomic and political subtext. And this says nothing, indeed, of the personal lives of the artists involved (of which i know nothing, and want to know nothing) or the work and struggle involved to place one’s self in that industry. Fair enough.
Gentle friend of Jennifer,
Please tell her when you see her next, that it is the getting of the goat that one develops a taste for it. There is nothing to say about what’s been said out of malice, and capitalist greed other than the snake eating its own tail with neither evaporate into thin air, nor succeed in the mission.
But then again, I’ve never been a fan of anything light and delightful.
Unless of course we’re talking about Chopin.
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We are discussing an actress’ public persona are we not? I’ve never met her and I’m sure that quite probably she is a lovely person, who works really hard, and has the same joys and hardships that the rest of us do. She is however a public figure, a life that she has chosen, and with that comes celebration and disdain from the people. So kudos for her for being tough enough to survive Hollywood but all the same I don’t think that should make you “Man of the Year”.
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Definitely not “Man of the Year”! (What the hell is that anyway?)
Satire has never been something I digest easily. so perhaps I will not comment about it anymore.
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Well, one thing’s for sure. I love you sister of mine. Ali, it’s ok if we disagree. I love your point of view, and respect you deeply.
Your sticking up for Jennifer Aniston is charming, and warms my heart.
I’m so glad I am your big brother.
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Of course Allison, do not think I am attacking you…please…i can agree to disagree. i liked you very much when we met.
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Oh, no I didn’t feel attacked at all, by either of you…
I think being able to disagree is wonderful!!!
~Big Smile~