Laughing on the telephone last night with my friend Rachel, we decided that what we really need to do it to go on a surgical safari. See we both think that we will inevitably require cosmetic surgery to remain young and rested. Well, actually we don’t. See, that’s why it was so funny, right?
The fact is I am appalled by elective surgery for the purposes of changing the way we look. My life shows on my face and I love it. I simply cannot wait for the cultural backlash when breast augmentation is considered vile, chest cavity reshaping a horrible violence, and buttock and pectoral implants pathetic. They certainly already are and it’s in questionable taste to even describe them here, but currently this sort of procedure, as opposed to self acceptance, acceptance of others, social tolerance, kindness, love, etc. are on the rise. Next to prison and oil, it’s one of America’s fastest growing (and most exciting) business opportunities. Let’s face it, chopping yourself up is hot, but it’s also expensive.
Not that these procedures aren’t amazing and essential to people who have been in terrible accidents, and face years of reconstructive surgery, but when one elects to “augment” themselves because their lives spent gnashing on raw meat and slumped over a desk have ravaged them, and they want their selfish 20’s back… well bring the backlash - Hurry!
While it’s hot, and expensive, more and more prudent candidates for cosmetic surgery are aiming their sights on third world countries where the surgury is good but the price tag is a lot lower. [color=#999999]Say, Nice ass lift you got there Fred. Gee, musta cost a bundle! Oh no Dirk, I got my ass lifted up in Namibia on the cheap! Wow![/color]
When I got home I decided to spend a little time researching our little joke. I simply searched google for “surgical safari.” What I learned was that there are many options for exciting adventures abroad which also come with discount plastic surgery! How exciting! Just think… No wait, why should I bother to make something up here when James Wallis can recount his own good fortune for me?
British businessman James Wallis said he received similar compliments when he returned to northern England from South Africa feeling 10 years younger, less stressed and physically more defined.
“I’d been trying to get on a weight-loss program for the last two years,” said Wallis, 66, a designer of hand-operated water pumps, who had his jawline redefined. “I had achieved that, but I had made myself a little bit scraggly, and I just wanted to tidy it up.” It worked. And as an added bonus, he got to see a lion.
See? He got to see a lion!
I rest my case. Rich people are completely insane. But you better believe that when it’s time to reclaim my foreskin, and replace the lost years of shame with the complete me, plus all the added pleasure of a bizarre, surgically reattached foreskin, I’m headed to Africa for a safari! Awh yeeah… it’s gonna be great!
After that I’m going to Thailand, you know, just to chill.
