What does it mean when someone says they’re sorry?
I mean, I understand what the word sorry means:
[color=grey]sorry adjective 1 [ predic. ]
Ģfeeling distress, esp. through sympathy with someone else’s misfortune : I was sorry to hear about what happened to your family.
( sorry for) filled with compassion for : he couldn’t help feeling sorry for her when he heard how she’d been treated.
Ģfeeling regret or penitence : he said he was sorry he had upset me | I’m sorry if I was a bit brusque.
Ģused as an expression of apology : sorryI was trying not to make a noise.
Ģused as a polite request that someone should repeat something that one has failed to hear or understand : Sorry? In case I what? [/color]
But sometimes sorry doesn’t seem like it means any of these definitions, doesn’t it? It’s actually rare when someone looks at you and says they are sorry in a way which I can see or feel that they are actually sorry for what they said or did, and express any degree of interest or compassion. More often than not they seem to be saying “Too bad for you.” Meaning that they are going to keep driving like an idiot, bumping into people, stepping on people’s toes, shoving through the dance floor, or doing whatever it is they are doing and don’t actually care in the least for your feelings.
Doesn’t that mean that they aren’t really sorry?
So what I’m wondering is this: Has sorry been relegated now to a social pleasantry without meaning, a means of excusing and therefore permitting rude, thoughtless, or selfish behavior?
Or is everyone just a liar?
I understand an apology to be a change. When I say I’m sorry, what I’m saying is that I realize I have misunderstood, or over reacted, or been behaving like a fool. This happens a lot, and my offering of an apology is acknowledgment that I am aware of my poor behavior and feel a connection, or kinship with the stranger on the street I bumped into, or the person I have offended. I do say “sorry” almost every day. But when I do, I am never patronizing anyone. I do not mean “tough shit” or “too bad for you,” or anything other than I feel for you, and see how I have been involved.
I’m not perfect, I can often say “sorry” with a snide element attached to it. The whole state how you are or where you’re at and then say “I’m sorry if you don’t like that.” And I see this kind of use of the word as more or less the roots of what I’m considering at the moment. When I say this “Sorry (if you don’t like it)” really is the same as saying “too bad for you.” So clearly I am guilty of this as well. But what could I say apart from “sorry” that might say politely that I don’t really give a shit what you think or feel, but that’s that way it is, and it’s unfortunate you have been disturbed by it? Is there a nice way to say that? Maybe not.
Somehow we seem to be left with the choice between placating people, and basing our choice of words on how they feel, when it is not an accurate reflection of what we truly feel, and simply being rude.
Unless of course we are truly sorry. Then we enter into why I even started writing this in the first place. Based on our over use of the word “sorry” and it’s apparent lack of meaning or authenticity in the world, when we really mean to say “I’m sorry,” it has very little impact, and next to no meaning whatever.
And for my part in that, I am truly sorry.
