sǝuoſ ǝuıɥsunS

I am in a relationship. I am seeing someone. I am deeply in love. It is something which has been growing within me for years. Something I have had mixed emotions about admitting, and sharing with anyone. Fear, my strangely wide open, but curiously protective and private nature, and the unsureness of my footing in this world have collaborated within me and left me unable to admit my truth, unable to look at it openly in the light of day, and unwilling to announce the changes I have been watching come over me. They come, dance in my heart, and thrill me. I wait and watch them fade, and return to trudging a path off into the distance which believes I will never be loved, have never been loved, and suspects that there is no love whatever in this world.

Today the world has changed. I had a brief talk with the co-parent of my son, and have officially come out of the closet. After a period of silence, in which I asked myself thousands of questions and patiently meditated on the answers, felt the strong hands of a man on my stomach, the aching eyes of a woman less than an inch from my own, imagined myself making the decision to remain alone for the rest of my life, allowed the fears of alternatives to paralyze me, welcomed all the hope in the world to rise through me, felt the sting of tears and the warmth of other people’s tears, lingered in the dank waters of a Eurasian carp pond of identity, and years of letting go — Just loving, and letting go — I have emerged, for better of for worse, with courage, love and respect a changed man.

And so, in the beautiful light of this early afternoon, and with all the trust in my heart I admit it to you now — whoever you are — that the Queen of my heart is alive and well and living in San Francisco. I am seeing someone. Her name is Megan. She lives and breathes and I believe she loves me too.

And so come what may, and I trust you with this information… something I rarely do, I am embarking today upon a new path. My love is present, vibrant, and nurturing, kind, beautiful and honest. I invite you to join me as I sally forth into the light as I emerge from my closet. Out. Out into the world. Free.