Sometimes I feel like I must be dead. Really, I’m not kidding. Sometimes I figure that this is all just a hallucination, and it’s still 1982 and my corpse is floating in a bathtub somewhere while the last bits of life flicker out of my eyes. My fingers, pruned from water saturation, are twitching slightly, a curious brown foam is running out of the corner of my mouth and into the cold bath water. Sometimes it seems like everything that has happened to me since late October 1982 couldn’t possibly be anything but a figment of my imagination.
Life is a dream, dead or alive, that much is true. Whatever I’ve given my mind and heart to has, without exception, come to be. Wait a minute, that’s not entirely true. Actually, let’s say that anything which really only relates to me and my own sphere of influence that I have given my heart and my mind to has, without exception, come into being. No, that’s not true either… shit. Ok, well there are some exceptions, and there is a lot of lost love, and heartache, some disappointments, a few really cool almost’s, and some very, very painful no thank you’s, but for the most part, what I have decided for myself, has been so (eventually, kinda, somewhat.) How’s that? Nope, that’s not right either… Fuck it.
Look, I just wanted to say that life is a trip. I am so amazed to be alive, and well. I can’t believe the current state of my life, or how it is changing. I don’t know where this courage is coming from, but thank you. Thank you for being my friend, and thank you for your guidance and your love. Bless your beautiful, wonderful, awe inspiring, funny, strong, supportive, and thoughtful heart of gold.
[color=#555555]I deserve the path I am walking upon.[/color]
[color=#777777]May I be happy[/color]
[color=#999999]May all beings be happy.[/color]
4 Comments
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You most certainly do desrve it.
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Oh, Sunshine…I am so happy for you. Your sphere of influence is great. What manifests from you touches more than you know. I’m not trying to toot your horn, but I love to hear, read, see what’s coming from you. It reaches into my soul.
It’s funny, just last night I had an overwhelming sense of calm (if those two can correlate), and I felt something, really FELT something specific as it relates to my well-being and those I care about, you definitely included. I feel as if we are all being held in loving embrace right now, and given strength, and if not clarity, trust that thinks are going in the direction they’re supposed to, that it’s all going to be OK, even more than OK. Dare I say amazing?
Love,
P.
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Yes be happy very happy & enjoy life
Reading your words reminded me of these lyrics by Pete Shelly
I was so tired of being upset
Always wanting something I never could get
Life’s an illusion love is a dream
But I don’t know what it is cos
Everybody’s happy nowadays
Everybody’s happy nowadays
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Pete had a way with words didn’t he?
“In these times of contention, it is not my intention to make things plain…”