I’m not the sort of person who does anything for now. I don’t believe in it. Not that I enjoy the tendency to obsess and long for the things I want, I don’t, but there’s something spiritual about learning to let go, to relax and proceed until the moment comes. But that’s very different, for me, from accepting things half way, or substitutes in the mean time.
For Example:
I need a monitor for my laptop. Well, need is a powerful word, but I’d really like to have one. My MacBook Pro can operate in closed mode where I can tuck it away and work wirelessly using a bluetooth keyboard and mouse. Having a large screen would make this set up complete and improve my efficiency dramatically. Trouble is, I can’t afford one right now. I’ve decided that I really want the huge 30″ apple HD monitor again (had it, had to sell it) because the screen real estate is so wonderfully generous, and it looks so good that it makes for a superb working environment. My positive feelings toward the work environment are essential. If my butt hurts on the chair, I can’t work. So my studio is clean, well organized and comfortable. Well what’s a weirdo to do? I haven’t got the $2,300 for a monitor. I looked at the little one, and the medium one. I think I could be happy with either of those, but what I think and what I know about myself are two totally different things again.
I could easily score some alternative screen with a lot of real estate on it. I could. But I would never be happy… So I’m in for the long haul. It could be a year, maybe longer before I have a frivolous two grand to thunk down on a repeat item for my studio, but I’ll wait.
I would rather have nothing.
Get the idea? This behavior transcends my entire life. If they’re out of my brand at the store, I go to another store. If the song’s not right, if it’s not done, it’s just not done. Acceptance plays a key factor in my happiness. What’s really amusing is that I forget that all the time… I try to wrest satisfaction out of things which aren’t even present, or viable options, and catch myself in the middle of the night wringing my hands, toiling over alternatives. It’s ok, that’s kinda fun actually, but the truth is that once I catch myself, I have to turn to the sky, and let go.
Letting go is not the same thing as giving up. It just means that I surrender to the way things are, and how they stand in this moment. Sometimes I have to do this every moment, or, at least for a series of moments until my higher sense of things kicks in and a sustained serenity follows. Sometimes it’s hard work, but that’s usually only when I forget to laugh at what a big dork I am.
Nothing is for now, not a chance. Everything is for always. It is so important that I remain present as best I can, and tread as purposefully, and sincerely as I can upon this path.
I hope that you are enjoying a lightness today, loving yourself, and feeling free and happy.
7 Comments
Permalink
easy go… easy come!
Permalink
That’s a really good way to look at it Brock. I always seem to remember difficult come… easy go.
Maybe I’ve got a lot more work to do on myself than I previously imagined.
Oh Boy!
Permalink
there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing exactly what one wants. don’t compromise unless good results will come of it!
Permalink
* grin *
yeah… call me crazy, but I’m done settling for less than what I want, cutting off my arms and legs, tearing out my tongue, my heart, my eyes to serve others (who rarely ever notice, care, or even say thank you.)
I know the truth, and that’s good enough for me.
As far as compromise goes, actually I think that’s an entirely different issue. I can compromise, and I love to. To come to an understanding, an agreement, a middle ground, well… now that’s ideal isn’t it?
At least between friends and family. But buying a crummy thing instead of holding out for the thing you really want, spending the energy making a plan, reaching the goal… that’s irreplacable. The compromise is the discussion along the way, the communication which makes the journey wonderful.
I’m down.
Permalink
I’ve been on a similar metaphoric thought wave recently, triggered by the fact that I don’t have any window coverings at my retreat house. Most of the views are of private redwoods, and I’ll never cover up the beauty of them. But there are other windows that do need something. I’m sure someone else would handled it by now…it’s been over 4 months. Sure, I’ve looked. I gave it a real try at Ikea last weekend, until I just stalled out and walked away. Unless they make me goose-bumpy and feel intuitively right, I’d rather wait. Sometimes this means I go without for long stretches of time. But the right thing is worth waiting for.
Permalink
Oh, I so agree.
Nothing else will do.
Permalink
this rings true with me and relationships too.