Dependency breeds resentment and fear doesn’t it? It’s so easy to become an island. There we are… a mighty continent, and suddenly a 16 year old girl walks by in little shorts and * poof * we’re a tiny little island. Desolate, without hope or resources, all alone.
There’s little truth in the extremes. Even though we naturally take refuge there. The middle, balance, the golden mean… these are our aims. And I of all people understand passionately the sense of rebellion and hatred, sheer contempt which my heart and opinion hold for these places, this ghastly idea of being balanced and in the middle.
To my mind… there is no creativity, greatness, talent, or love there… nothing but blankness and mediocrity.
But that’s a lie.
Really, nothing you can do, no pill you can take, no outfit you can wear, no ego construct you can manifest will ever transform you from the emotional, powerful, creative, amazing person that you are into some thoughtless middle class zombie-woman wandering the isles of a department store with a dead little smile on your face as you look at handbags.
And perhaps your next thought is something like “but I don’t want to do that…” of course not.
I’m saying it’s impossible anyway, so drop it.
The comparison is a gift.
As much as it hurts, it’s simply a little mirror showing you that you have some work to do. Your ego is trying to comfort you, to protect you… so it says “You Suck! Everyone Sucks! I Suck most of all!”
It’s unpleasant and painful… but in it’s way, the ego remembers a time when that was actually some degree of comfort to you. The ego mind wants you to starve yourself to death, to vomit until your esophagus explodes and you bleed to death in your bathroom (or whatever self destructive path you’ve been on. It’s interchangeable.)
Considering that… I really wouldn’t take her opinion to heart. I would take it for what it’s worth (which is not much.)
Now, if you’ve taken this in and identify with it you take a deep breath and say something like “Well I have a lot of work to do then.” Resigned to your fate.
No, there you go again… again with the perception. Now you’re way down here, and have to climb all the way up there…
Wheew what a journey…
You are right where you are supposed to be. You are perfect, just the way you are. Take nothing away. Add nothing. Acceptance is the answer.
As human beings we all suffer because we live in the void between what we expect, want, or think we should be and our sheer terror of what actually is. There is no love or comfort there in that void. None.
Why and how do you really expect that you will be capable of perfection? How come you don’t think it’s funny when you fumble and become suddenly islandic or childish? When your ox-like disease suddenly makes a play for the day? The ego is a lumbering ox. She’s not subtle or careful.
So there you are, humbly going about your business, present and awake, when suddenly this 700 lb. ox stumbles into the room with a pink bow on her head… and she farts.
Somehow we take it seriously…. We create self esteem and meaning from it.
Shouldn’t we be laughing?
I mean… What’s more hysterical than the decidedly unsubtle arrival of a 700 lb. female ox with a huge pink bow on her head cutting farts? Just because it’s a function of your mind, doesn’t make it something to take seriously.
Relax
Take it easy
Know that your higher mind will kick in… This is where mantras and prayers can really aid you in returning to the moment.
Now
Where nothing is wrong.
We are from another plane. Other creatures in other rooms
You’ve been to that party… I worked at it last night. It’s not for us. And, if the truth be told, that party is not even very much fun. So acceptance is the answer. The moment is where love and peace exist. Nowhere else.
9 Comments
YES
Funny how a conversation we had, because you were really bummin turned into an essay-ish type of blog entry that turned out helping me a lot with my own ideas and feelings this weekend.
I’m glad we’re friends.
i appreciate these words…though the tension between where we want to be and where we are is often generated by more than individual idiosyncracies. there is a difference in my mind between acceptance and acquiescence….
but this isn’t what i’m sending this note about really.
i see you’re coming to spin at Five, and i’m only familiar with you through your writings here. are there any full-ish sets online i can find? i haven’t been to “church” in a while, but i haven’t had much success at Five.
Dr. Spence, indeed… there are exceptions to everything. So much so these days that I venture to say there are no longer any rules. In my experience I find myself in tense discussion with people over semantics far more often than I find myself laughing and smiling with keen interest and love over the diner table.
Personally I’d like to see us looking for similarities and agreement, than picking the last of the rice from the bowl. Still, I see your point and feel that when we agree, we are delighted, and empowered. But when we submit, we are deflated and opressed. Still, the power of one’s perception is without question. We are how we see the world regardless of the endless combination of variables which contribute to construct our frame of reference. At times this is what causes us to have more or less difficulty than other with simple things, and at times it is what makes us wonderful, unique, and interesting.
Here’s to growth, agreement, and the continued search.
As for music, there’s a sunday soul archive here (selected sets) located in the sidebar, and the weekly archive is posted (and replaced weekly with the new one) in the footer of the bulletin board atTreehouse Muzique.
Enjoy.
spence,
the trick to five is to chill on the roof for a little bit and then be sure to be there later.
also i think you could get church style on sunday also.
This saturday is going to be something special. Cosmic Jason and I are going to be debuting our “Classique” concept. We were painting our friend Laura’s basement together listening to a couple of mix tapes (actual cassettes) from 1989 and feeling completely blown away by the vibes and the tone, the tempo and the energy of how vibrant and adventurous, yet completely free of stylistic confines or linear thinking… it was totally psychedelic and we vowed to explore this sound some more.
In addition to Jason and I working on that, I’m also going to perform my live/dj set, so it should be quite a personal and physical night.
The sunday soul event will happen, and more info will be given out on Saturday. So, we hope, if you come and you feel it, we’ll all regroup on sunday and take it even further.
: )
Totally looking forward to Saturday ! BTW Sunshine…the mix tapes from 1989 that you and Cosmic Jason were listening to…..were they old Dubtribe tapes or some other artist’s mixes ?
I am glad we are friends too!!!!!!!!!!! BIG HUG :)
The one which really turned our heads around was actually a Harvey tape. Impossible to find Frankie Knuckles instrumentals, crazy mixes and deepness which we were just smiling and painting away to.
A couple years before Dubtribe’s day in the sun… more like the music that inspired us to begin with.