sǝuoſ ǝuıɥsunS | notebook, journal, inter-web log

You’re just gonna have to forgive me… I know that the popular posts here are generally happy and light. If you read me, then you know that I like to post more about my internal dialog, and (oh… let’s say) more difficult feelings. That’s more or less the point of this place. I have a message board, and other outlets for all sorts of thinking, technical stuff, music and trend spotting, but this is home. Here is a safe place for me to expunge the rubbish. In effect, this journal was my first attempt at striving to be both more appropriate, and more intimate at once.

What I mean by that is I felt that my professional message board was not an appropriate place to write my poetry, or moan and groan about the world, my mind, or my heart. I persisted in attempting to make that place a personal destination for people for quite a long time. The effort more or less backfired. I suppose it’s safe to say that web personalities, sycophants, and business mixing with naivet?� and cynicism is maybe only my idea of a riveting web experience. So, I had to ask myself: What’s the point of this place? And the answer was clear. My blog is mine, a place for me to dump, sing, dance, and laugh. My message board is an outlet for my business (or defunct business.) Thus I created a new place for me to be personal.

Recently there’s been a lot of deleted input. I’ve found some nasty comments sitting in the comment moderation queue almost every day. They’re from people who want to say something mean, or cynical, but haven’t got the courage to say it to my face. Or, in the event that I don’t actually know them, the data they enter into the comments section is nothing, and so I delete the comment without passing it through.

I’ve begun a list of them, with responses which maybe only I think are funny, several times. But in the interest of preserving this space as mine, and private (relatively speaking) I opted out of that one. Don’t wanna offer up the satisfaction now do I? No, I most certainly do not.

So I just wanted you to know that this place is here to stay. I’m not going to run off and start a Vox blog or livejournal to dump my other feelings. This is the place, and as long as it’s here it’s where I’m dedicating my voice. I’m going through a divorce, feeling fairly betrayed, confused, and in a moment I’ll jump from being totally happy and free, thrilled to be home in San Francisco to abject tears over my son’s absence, or bald self-pity over my broken heart. To my mind, this is a healthy way of detaching from it. Getting it down on paper to see what’s valid, and what’s amazingly stupid. But please don’t worry about me. I am considered to be “the calmest person” that several of my friends know, others like to poke at me with sticks, and some hug and kiss, while still others throw rocks (I am a good ducker.) I can take it, I am a happy guy with a deep, and absurd sense of humor.

It’s all just insight into my heart, and creative mind. So if nothing else, enjoy the music, and the pretty pictures, but please, don’t worry. I’m good. And it’s only gonna get better.

Take heart.