I don’t know if this is entirely appropriate, but I wanted to tell you something pretty sensitive. It’s personal, and rooted strictly in my own opinion. I am not an expert, nor a model of fashion, style or good taste, but your butt looks terrible in those jeans.
There is a very popular style, no doubt invented by men (or at least starving women who hate themselves,) which makes a stab at reviving both the classic hip-huggers and traditional “tight jeans” all at once. Often the pockets are removed from the back of the jeans, and sold to people who are normal, healthy, beautiful people.
[color=grey]Now, I know that most of my male friends are going to slug me in the arm and tell me to shut the fuck up over this one, and many of my female friends are going to be offended on some level. I’m sorry for this in advance. I am, truly I am.[/color]
I just felt that in the interest of being your devoted friend, it was time to say something. It was time to tell you the truth about how you look from behind…
Here’s what your butt really looks like:
Now don’t get me wrong. I love seeing your butt crack. [color=grey]I do.[/color] I also really really love the sight of a woman’s behind. [color=grey]I am a fan.[/color] And I’m not offering any shame. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I’m just pointing something out which I don’t think anyone’s really acknowledging in the open right now. These pants are not attractive. And you look terrible in them.
Maybe it feels sexy [color=grey]Heck, even I feel sexy parading around in almost nothing[/color], maybe it’s just fun [color=grey]Sure, butt cracks sticking out of a bag of potatoes are lots of fun… i guess[/color], or maybe it’s considered attractive to stuff your natural, curvy, beautiful bottom into half an ass worth of jeans, and let your otherwise lovely waist hang over the waistband like home made love handles, and expose your Future Farmers of America membership every time you lean forward, but baby… it’s just not pretty. And don’t even get me started on the men I know who wear stretch denim low-rise jeans. Dude. Please…
Ultimately I think that a person’s ass is their own business. The human body is beautiful, and anything put public property, but still I can’t help feeling like this enduring craze for shoving ourselves into pants that neither fit, nor accommodate what’s beautiful about a person is a reflection of false body image, or perhaps a distortion on what a body would be.
Now I know I’m a weirdo. I think that Jennifer Lopez, Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton, and really any person who present themselves as an object to be coveted, or ogled, bought and sold is the least attractive thing in the world. Beauty is what beauty does, and selling yourself for money isn’t my idea of beauty. Yet this business is booming in America, and everyone’s buying it.
So in a last ditch effort to convince you that you are beautiful, perfect, and wonderful even if you don’t show your love handles, slide your buttocks into your pant legs, or show off your butt crack. Really you are. Please get yourself some jeans that fit your wonderful body, and love yourself.
Please?
8 Comments
I totally agree with you on this issue…
But I think you’re not neccessarily against the jeans themselves, but rather that many women these days aren’t buying the right size or the right style for their bodies!
The jeans by themselves work. And the right size is rather attractive, but I certianly agree that most women don’t have any clue how to shop for or buy the right pair of jean for them.
Example: At work we teach something using a pair of jeans. Well, one day I forgot my jeans and had to teach this movement for the very first time. I had to show them, I couldn’t just tell them. SO, one of my lovely students loaned me her jeans, which she looked super cute in before she changed into her workout clothes. Well…
I put them on and I looked like a big dork! Totally ridiculous. They were an ok size, but the style (on me) was all wrong.
So, maybe what you’re really saying is that we all need to shop around a little better, rather than buy the same jeans our friend has, or Paris, or Britney (blah!).
Thank you for bringing this issue to light. (smile ~ wink)
Al, I’m really glad you see that my tongue is both in my cheek and raising the royal raspberry with regards to this delicate subject. I appreciate that deeply. My sense of humor is unique, and what gives me a huge laugh and a sincere sigh at the same time is rarely shared by other people (evidence all present and accounted for right here among my writings.)
Secondly, to the matter at hand: I think that you’re right, yes indeed, there is a variety of human being so tiny, and buttless that they may look as if these pants actually fit them. Not everyone enjoys the body of an 11 year old for long (not even many 11 year olds.) For that matter, not everyone finds the body of an 11 year old something to get excited about.
Personally, if you want my attention you need to be smart, honest, open, emotional, available, and willing to be vulnerable. Really, rolls of flab hanging out over the top of cheap cotton-poly blend jeans with your butt crack sticking out don’t quite make up for the lack of substance between people.
Now, again, I know I’m not like most people, and I’m truly sorry about that, for so many reasons. I’m an old guy who likes body hair, hates perfume, and thinks thongs are hideous. Strange and off point as I am, I’m really not assigning blame, or even making much of a political statement (though it is most certainly implied.) Rather, I am simply calling to your attention what your bottom actually may look like in this specific type of pants.
From a friend who cares: by all means, show us your butt! Please do. But try to keep your buttocks out of the pant legs, ok? It’s just not worth it.
This gave me a huge laugh! So true, so sad, and FUNNY!
Finding the right pair of jeans was one of the most frustrating things on the planet I’ve had to do lately. So hard to find jeans that are the right price (people actually shell out close to an entire BILL on jeans???) jeans that are actually durable (not brand new, expensive, and looking like they’re on the verge of falling apart), and jeans that actually fit right- having the right style.
It has happened that out of frustration, impatience, or impulse buying that I got the wrong pair. They were the right price, but Chris remarked, “Hey, you have a boy-butt in those jeans!” They didn’t even feel right, on. Hm, i wonder what happened to those.
Once, I bought a pair without pockets. I wasn’t really happy with them, but they were all I could find in a pinch. I took the pains of taking the pockets off my old jeans and re-appling them to my new pocket-less jeans. Gotta have pockets. But the pockets didn’t even redeem them. The material was all wrong. Nasty imposter denim!
The dominant styles as of late do suck, in my opinion. Luckily, I discovered the used Levi’s store near my house, and the place is FILLED with racks of all kinds of jeans- not only Levi’s, but all brands- in good condition, too. It was a denim heaven. I finally found the jeans I desperately needed. Sturdy, under $20, and I believe they suit my bottom, too. YAY!
I don’t know the reasoning for the girls’ pictured above for wearing bad jeans. The advice I’d give in regards to this issue I think is: “Hey girl, shop around, and LOOK AROUND (to your rear) before you buy! If you don’t like what you see, it’s not you, it’s the jeans. Find another pair.”
Tee hee!
LOL!!!
Darn funny jeans when improperly chosen.
Great pix of the butt cleavage!
Yeah, seriously, what did you type in to find images like these??
“butt crack” ??
HAHA.
I went to Flickr and searched the tags there for “jeans”
simple as that.
OMG I have to leave the room now before I snort in my VERY quiet office.. again! You SLAY me! And I do agree.. My grandma said it is best to leave some things to the imagination……… Will we be seeing you at the Avengers?
can’t fit two pounds of meat in a one pound bag.