I awoke to the sound of my alarm ringing. It was noon. My head was a sea of images, as usual, and yet i knelt on the floor and sat quietly, feeling the swell of dreams rising from my chest, steaming off my head into the cool afternoon air.
I sat beside Angelica for an hour, we talked of shifts and changes. The end of one thing, being an opening of a door into something new. I tried to explain how fear, doubt and the treasures of pain, regret, defeat, and heartbreak are so difficult to let go of. She smiled with her bright beautiful eyes and talked over the ends of my sentences. She was totally unwilling to listen, or take in the baggage i seem to be incapable of leaving behind.
And she was right. The truth is that the unknown vortex of what is to come is the truth. The void seems so threatening. The unknown is always such a dramatic event for me. And yet, like christmas morning, or the cheers of a dance party’s end, it is the unknown which bring all of life’s joys and pleasures. The unexpected surprise from the stranger’s smile, the rare record discovered, the chord played intuitively without thinking that leads the music into a new place, the sliver of lyric which opens a dialog between thousands of people.
To traverse this landscape for a moment more seems absurd after my dreams of deep, and wonderful communion with my dear friend.
I may not even bring my back pack with me.