sʃʃıɥ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ pǝpɐǝɥ

I’ve been writing about stability, compromise, love, relationships, and the path forward for myself a lot lately. I wrote my resume (finally) and got in touch with my friend Leslie, the job search guru, and became entirely ready to accept really any work I am capable of (like pulling lattés, digging ditches, anything…) Funny how just when I’m willing to “give up” things give…

My talk with Leslie was a very interesting one. We talked about how we are, and where I’m at. I was honest, and Leslie’s a great listener, but she’s no panty waste, she can give it as good as she can absorb it. She keyed right into the truth and offered it up to me, right there over the phone. We agree that I am effectively unemployable, at least in common terms as a member of a corporate team, or staff in an office (no argument from me,) but Leslie started asking me about code, and web design, and the things which really interest me. We talked about how I rarely charge for my work, and essentially feel like apologizing when I revolutionize someone’s web experience. Leslie laughed, and expressed the importance and value of my work. I agreed. Charging money for hard work doesn’t take away the value of that work, or the content of my passion for it.

So, I responded to a couple offers for web work… made a couple of presentations, produced a few more songs, talked with my manager about touring and booking, and suddenly I am $16k richer (all in,) bookings through june, 3, possibly 4 singles ready for release, a solo CD, two archival Dubtribe CD’s, and more… Stability arrives unexpectedly, and without warning.

Looks like I’m not going to be pulling Lattés just yet.

It would be so nice to celebrate this triumph with relaxation and some much needed rest. None seems to be forthcoming, which is fair enough, there’s so much work to do. I love to work, so that’s not a problem. Still, my head is pounding even harder against my skull than my heart is thumping at my rib cage (and you know how hard my heart thumps!) Simple tricks in communication snare me into the pitfalls of self. Unloved, feeling alone. Is it so unreasonable to ask to be heard, understood, spoken with? Sadly, I forget that yes it is…

Such a good day I had… suddenly turned so bleak. I must remember to keep my wits about me, and stop accepting external disappointments as the definition of my sense of self. I must trace these lines of triumph, and celebrate the work itself, the path ahead, the wide open space which pours out in front of me… I am not the confines of this moment, these feelings are not facts. I know where I intend my next foot fall to land, and I believe that everything will be well… The fantastic, nearly unbelievable ground my ship sailed today can not be undone by unexpected storms tonight. Let it rain, let it come down. This too shall pass.

May I be truly grateful for the gifts which the universe sends.
May I be happy, may all beings be happy, purposeful and loved.