Field notes from the real world
It’s been a year since I wrote in this journal. I said goodbye a year ago and gave you my word that when 365 days had passed that I would return here and tell you all about what has happened since we last met here on this notebook page. And so, here I am. I hope you’re there. I trust that you are and all is well with you in your heart, and in your head.
Let’s start with a horoscope shall we? If you remember as far back as a year ago I was heartbroken, never to recover, and had lost my way. I got called out and given a thorough pantsing by notorious soothsayer Rob Brezsny in his I’m about to take my vacation year end horoscope for cancer (of which Mr. Brezsny is one too.) He said you’ve been sitting at your desk too long, hidden away from the world haven’t you? Indeed I had. He challenged me to go forth and collaborate, make a mess, fall in love again, and skin my knees and try my hand at the monkey bars. And that’s exactly what I did. I deleted my journal, wrote you my sweet goodbye note, and then I galloped off to live happily ever after.
In his 2009 edition I’m about to take my vacation horoscope for cancer, Mr. Brezsny has this to say:
I’m hoping that you will get out more in 2010. And I mean way out. Far out. Not just out to the unexplored hotspots on the other side of town (although that would be good), but also out to marvelous sanctuaries on the other side of paradise. Not just out to the parts of the human zoo where you feel right at home, but also out to places in the urban wilderness where you’ll encounter human types previously unknown to you. In conclusion, traveler, let me ask you this: What was the most kaleidoscopic trip you’ve ever taken? Consider the possibility of surpassing it in the next 12 months.
At first I had to laugh at this silly horoscope. Does Brezsny just send people born in July out into the wild at the end of every year or what? Typically I might balk without consideration, considering we’re talking about astrology here, but in the last year I met an astrologer who has changed my mind about the stars and the celestial bodies’ effect on the human experience. If you haven’t met astrobarry yet, please visit his web site now — I’ll wait, and be here when you get back. Barry came to the debut of my three month residency at Space Gallery this year and was gracious enough to be my first speaker. We were all amazed, delighted, and impressed. I’m not going to try to paraphrase what he had to say about his own skepticism with regards to astrology, or any of the wonderful talk that followed, but what I hope is that you just followed that link and spent some time with him yourself. It’s time well spent if you like to read, and it’s even better in person.
Anyway, so now that I’m not laughing, I have to say that as the end of the year approaches I’ve spent some time reflecting on the last year’s activities and what I determined is this: 2009 was not the year of collaboration, experimentation, and endless love, rather, it was preparations for a journey. It’s not like I was going to suddenly spring forth from my cave a transformed being, ready for action, your reaction, and an interesting wig to wear along the way. No. But the year was not lost, not a moment was wasted. I spent every moment possible in the wild mixing music, writing songs, meeting people, dancing, kissing, making love, traveling, praying, meditating, teaching, learning, reading, doing yoga, teasing, poking, laughing, and smiling. I put a whole new look together, made a ton of new friends, re edited classic jams, and made a pile of progress in the studio. Still, my life feels somewhat small to me. Love walked in, pursued me wildly, and then walked out, then walked in, then walked out, and finally walked in and back out again (I am dizzy too) and what I learned (only last wednesday) is that the problem, whenever I am disturbed (even in my intimate relationships) is me. Ugh…
The world still feels so small to me. Restricted by very poor finances, distracted by amazing afternoon sex, delighted by the necks of women who don’t even like me, and inspired by my eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, I feel as if I am about to burst with joy. I am, it turns out, a good deal happier and more resilient than I was a year ago. And so I will leave you again, just for tonight this time, with this thought:
If the world feels small, where are you looking? If your heart feels broken, where are you hiding it? If your life feels like it has yet to begin, how are you limiting it? What are you waiting for?
Yes, this year I will travel into the cosmos. With two albums coming out, Dubtribe reunion concerts in full swing, solo bookings piling up, Sunday Soul transmissions at what feels like a creative zenith, not a soulmate in sight, but a dogpile of associates, and a magnetic force which seems to drive every woman I meet wild with desire for beautiful, amazing, poetic, sexy me, I feel my ruck sack is about as packed as it’s going to ever be. I’ve got my helmet on, and I’m ready to take flight… just clap your hands twice and say “yeah” and we’re outtahere.
One Comment
yeah. let’s do it. ha! i’ve missed this place sunshine… i liked the thoughts on things to think about. especially if you feel your life hasn’t begun to ask how you are limiting yourself. hug sunshine