Before my son moved across the country I bought him an iSight camera for his mother’s laptop. Every night at bed time we log into iChat and have a video talk. It’s not the same as being with him, snuggling, smelling his hair, looking into his eyes, or anything close to being there… but it sure beats the telephone. My laptop has an iSight built into it, so I can take the camera around the house, or into the kitchen if I’m washing dishes, or cooking. I can even spin the camera around and make everything all blurry. It’s not the same as being there, but it’s a great tool to maintaining a connection with visual images.
Actually, this long distance connection, however novel, makes both of us kinda sad. The telephone doesn’t seem to have the same emotional impact. Somehow on the phone we can go about our business and be more distracted. This distraction doesn’t appear to have the same down side as a video chat with my son, but the lack of actual face to face connection has is much more of a bummer for me. So with the positives of video come the negatives. Still, it’s hard to be the debut of missing and the confusion of disconnection in my son’s life. I’m doing everything I can to maintain the connection between my little man and all of our friends here in San Francisco. I remind him of our upcoming plans, and how all the folks we know keep asking about him, and say hello. Last week I made a dvd of all the clips I’ve taken of my son and I with my telephone and camera. I thought it would be a great archive for him (and for me) to keep the memories of our silliness and private moments together.
Still, the whole thing makes us both sad. I can fake it for a while, and present the happiest face possible. I work hard not to let my broken heart show, but I’m not dishonest. I use my words in the same way I hope to teach my son to use his, and express my feelings clearly. I get close to the camera and give him a warm hug, I put my lips right up on the lens and give him kisses too. I even give him extra ones for later, and sometimes really gross sloppy ones too.
The future is here, this technology is wonderful. But it’s nothing like having my little man in my arms. Nothing like that at all.