sǝuoſ ǝuıɥsunS

I hung out with my dear friend Jason last night. We meant to make some progress on a disco re edit we’ve been plugging away at, but instead we sat in my living room and talked about life, the urgent need in San Francisco for a disco party featuring our record collections, a little bit of the past and the future, the state of our hearts, and how to forge ahead from here.

Along the way, Jason said a couple things which really resonated with me.

put out the moon
paint the sun black
because she didn’t love me back

He wasn’t talking about himself, rather, we were talking about this idea of mine that love does not equal suffering. My friend didn’t necessarily agree with me. He mused about how love brings risk, and fear, and can devastate you if it isn’t returned (thus the little poem.) I had to agree that love, by involvement, can shatter your hopes, and appear to destroy the fabric of your life. But I’ve begun to wonder if this isn’t really love at all.

When I break out the idea that love is acceptance, and it is unconditional. I’m usually met with silence (which I have to admit I fucking hate) or I am nodded at sagely and told “There are many forms of love.” To which I smile. Yes, yes there are. Touch?ɬ�.

I suppose at a certain point I have to make peace with the difference between my heart’s joy and my heart’s emptiness. But I’ve always said that the best music in the world is bittersweet. Even when it’s reveling in the sunlight of the spirit, cheering and motivated, there is a dash of tragedy just under the surface of the composition. I’ve always said I want it to hurt. I want to be reminded that I am alive. So yeah, Jay… put out the moon.

As we turned the conversation to the world, and how strange it is to find ourselves much older, having participated in the evolution of the city we call home, the country we live in. Again Jason had a quote for me…

this period of time has so many problems…
but none of them are mine

He smiled like a little boy when he laid this on me. I took it in, and tried it on. On the one hand this is arguably one of the most outrageous things I’ve heard come out of the mouth of a yellow dog liberal like me, or anyone else I know in a very long time. We are responsible for the world, and its quality, justice, human rights, and fineness are in our charge. To whistle your way through the carnage of the modern world is unconscionable in my opinion.

But on the other hand… I can see how easy it is to lose faith, and let hope slip into cynicism. As idealism crossfades into pragmatism and fear, it seems like the only refuge. I’m not advocating this point of view. I’m only saying I can understand it. Frankly things seem so bleak lately that maybe it’s best to pick battles we can win, and try to get along with one another along the way.

Still, allowing the world to pass with a degree of acceptance, choosing to spend your money thoughtfully, and your time and labor with love and joy seems like a very good plan as well. Maybe happiness is easy, and all we have to do is let go.

It’s nice to have good friends who are willing to provoke you. It’s nice to hear a different perspective. It’s a wonderful thing to while away the afternoon together and connect.