01

Collaboration and Limitation

I have always applied limitations to myself as an electronic musician. Initially I felt opressed by my limitations because once I learned the basics of my first synthesizer, drum machine and sampler, I felt that if only I had more devices, more sound sources, more raw material for sampling I could make much better sounds, and thus better music. Since I couldn’t get more than I had, I had to get clever, and work hard to make the most of what I had. Years later I found myself sitting in a room or two chuck full of keyboards, rack mount synths, piles of drum machines, a big expensive mixxing desk, and all the time in the world to work on music. Guess what? I didn’t get anything done. I was overwhelmed and over supplied. I required some degree of structure in order to make simple decisions about what things to use, which devices to play, and so I imposed limitations upon myself. By limiting the number of devices whcih I could use in a particular project I Was able to turn my attention to those devices, and make the most of them. Once that was complete, I could then record an unlimited number of live tracks in addtion to the limited number of synthetic devices if that’s what I wanted to do. This really nourished my work. The limitations became a source of even deeper creativity and inspiration.

While I have always talked collaboration I have to admit that as a person more often possessed by a visual image, or complete work in his mind, the truth is that when inviting anyone to collaborate with me either they were really only there to play a single instrument, sing, or else they were sadly being invited into traitorous cooperation with the enemy. I’ve never been very patient as an engineer, nor as an art director, I’m a very good producer, but somehow that’s different because I’m in charge, and the task is not to collaborate, to agree, or to have a dialog, but rather to use the performer(s) to solicit the performance material required in order to go off on my own and complete the project. As an artist, I have such a meditative, and painterly process that I have not yet found a way to allow another person into it. But it’s what I’ve always wanted.

I would describe my relationship with my partner Moonbeam in dubtribe sound system as very very close. Certainly as a band we collaborated in the best sense of the word. We shared our duties and responsibilities, and then when it was time to perform we let loose and really let our heart’s show. Still, in the studio, it was like pulling teeth to get me to let go enough to play, to create in a non serious manner, to simply jam and patiently wait to see what we came up with. My head has always been so muddled with music, lyrics, sound, words, and pictures that for my nearly inhuman ability to continue talking long after people’s gnat-like attention span has long since passed, that I have never really been able to put my creative thoughts into words. Thus, it comes out as music. Perhaps if I were a more traditional musician – with an expert’s knowledge of any instrument – then I might better understand the rules of scale, key, signature, notes, and the language of the musician. I have collaborated with other drummers, and played bass and guitar with other musicians, but of a true collaboration, I’m not sure I’m there yet.

As a promise to myself for the coming year, I will open up my heart a little wider and invite every creative and talented person I meet into my studio for at the very least an afternoon of possibility. I want to collaborate. I want to discuss the rules, and then break them together. I want to go further than I’ve gone before. I need to mix down the last of these 22 tracks which have plagued me for more than three years now, and begin a free adventure with some of the amazing people in my life right now.

I needed to examine these words tonight. Typically I assume I am operating with the primary definiton of the words, but when I Really look at their possible meanings, I discover that I have been holding myself back, playing at being disabled, and absolutely conspiring with the enemy. Tonight I tear off my cast, and chuck the crutches aside, and stuff the enemy codes of “I can’t” and “I don’t know how” and “I’m scared” and “I won’t” into my mouth, chew them up wildly, and spit out the disgusting wad of useless paper into the recycling bin.