I suggest that you stop “waiting” at once, and set about looking and living.

I think that where I’ve come to thus far in this discussion with myself is that the trouble isn’t in determining what is not right, it’s more about accepting what comes next when you find what is right.

It’s easy to settle. To do things because you are lonely, or desperate, or confused. I’ve done a lot of things in that condition. And, I have to admit, that I have secretly harbored the deep and secret dream that somehow, some way, someday someone would come along and…. so I suppose, way down in my heart of hearts, through long terms relationships, marriage, and even child birth, fatherhood, divorce, I have been waiting.

But what I can say for myself is that I was not sitting on a bar stool or a park bench all dolled up hoping to be discovered. I was out in the world, as I remain, swinging my heart around like it’s a battle axe.

Call me an idiot, or a glutton for punishment (and you might be right on both counts) but at least I’m here, present, and awake.

Sometimes I think, at least for me, I find comfort being in pain, being depressed, because it’s familiar. It’s always there. It’s what I don’t know, new experiences, being fully in the moment that scares me so much. I don’t like change.

I like to believe that there is someone out there for everyone, that we spend our lives searching for that empty space, but more and more everyday I have my doubts. You (by that I mean anyone) can spend your life waiting for someone who may never materialize. And I’ll still be waiting when I’m 80…

And there is nothing one can do.